My girlfriend
is pregnant
And now?
You are incredibly important in the whole process surrounding pregnancy, childbirth and everything that comes after. That’s why we try to involve you as much as possible in this whole process and want to provide you with some tips. Because you can probably use those.
Your girlfriend is going to do the physical work, and giving birth is top notch. We don’t let top athletes do their thing alone, do we? We invest in good coaches for the top athletes, coaches who know the athlete inside out and know exactly how to help them bring out their best. You can be that coach for her.
By the way, we consistently refer to the pregnant woman here as “your friend. Perhaps she is your spouse, your mate or a consciously single mother. But hopefully always your friend as well.
The pregnancy
- Try to join the midwife as often as possible. You can then ask all your questions to us, there is always room for that. In addition, you can sometimes be a reminder to your friend, because pregnant people sometimes forget things. Hearing your unborn baby’s heart or seeing your baby during an ultrasound gives you a little more sense of the pregnancy and your unborn baby. Probably that makes it all a little more real for you. Because sometimes it all still seems very unrealistic, right?
- A topic often laughed about among partners: the “puff club. You actually know it, but still: if your friend is taking a pregnancy class, it is advisable to go with her once to partner night. This evening is specifically aimed at giving practical tips for during labor (When do you call the midwife? Where do you park your car at the hospital? What to take with you). In addition, you will be explained about the birthing process. Pretty handy if you know a little about how her body works and know how you can support her. It also greatly reduces the chances of disappointment at and after delivery. You might call it expectation management. Did you know there are even paternity courses?
- If your friend plans to breastfeed, it is advisable to attend a breastfeeding class with her. This one often lasts only two hours. By getting the same information together, you can properly support her with breastfeeding in the first week after birth. In the beginning, it is often quite an investment to get breastfeeding going well. Combined with the new care for your little one, your friend’s hormone balance and lack of sleep, it can be nice if you know how to help her, too.
- You probably already do this automatically, but regularly hold your hand against your girlfriend’s belly. Also, did you know that your unborn child can already hear your voice? So you can talk or even sing to your baby. This makes it a little more realistic and your baby will recognize your voice later.
- You can make your friend incredibly happy by taking over some heavy household chores.
- Put key phone numbers in your phone so you can find them immediately when needed. By this we mean the phone number of the midwife (+31 6 22972718) and maternity care.
- Surprise your girlfriend with a weekend or week-long vacation to relax just the two of you. Should you be flying, please pay attention! Please check with the airline until when your friend can fly in her pregnancy, which varies. Of course, you can also get away in your own country.
- Together with your friend, write a birth plan. That way, you can also discuss your preferences AND know what your friend thinks is important, so you can stand up for her in that important moment.
Childbirth
- Easier said than done: try to stay relaxed and create a relaxed atmosphere. Tension is contagious and not conducive to labor. In fact, stress causes poorer blood flow to the uterus, which can reduce contractions.
- Monitor the birth plan you wrote together. Try to live up to what you have agreed. What’s really a great task for you is to ask the counselor questions when things happen, which your friend doesn’t really want or wanted. For example, you might ask, “Is there any alternative treatment available?”, “Is it necessary?”, “Can we wait a little longer?
- Sometimes you can feel left out during this process as well. But nothing could be further from the truth. Your presence is incredibly important for her peace and confidence. You are her coach.
- You can keep track of when contractions come and how long they last. This is useful information for the obstetrician. You can also download an app that makes this all easier.
- Golden tip: above all, don’t argue with your girlfriend!
- Puff with your friend. If she possibly begins to hyperventilate, you can demonstrate breathing techniques from the pregnancy class. This will calm her down again and make her breathe properly. Key: exhale longer than inhale!
- During the pressing process, you may become uncomfortable. You’ve often been on the road for a while and fatigue and tension are just around the corner. Take good care of yourself; eat and drink enough. If necessary, tell the midwife that you are not feeling well, so she can keep an eye on you as well.
- Can’t stand blood? Then stay by your girlfriend’s head during the pressing. That way you are still there and she doesn’t feel alone.
After birth
- Finally your little one is here and you as a daddy can also get to meet your baby! For the first hour after birth, it is customary for the baby to stay with your friend. This promotes the bonding process and breastfeeding. But after that, it is highly recommended that you also have nice skin-to-skin contact with the baby. The baby also likes this very much.
- Take a few days (or more) off after the maternity care is gone, so that you can take care of things and help around the house and with nursing.
- If your girlfriend is breastfeeding, you may still be able to give the bottle if she pumps the milk. When bottle feeding, you can also take over one or more of your friend’s feedings and create your own moment.
- As a dad, you can be intimate with your baby in your own way. For example, you can give baby massage (you can take a course for this) or you can carry your baby on your bare skin. A beautifully intimate moment between you and your baby.
- A great job for you as a dad is to keep calm in the first week after birth. Discuss this well together with your girlfriend. Two visits a day is really more than enough and make sure that mother and child can rest between noon and 3pm. Can you refuel yourself nicely too.
- Within 3 days of the birth, you must register your child with the civil registry. You do this in the municipality where your child was born. Often you can make an appointment online. You can just do this on your own.
- Register your child with the health insurance company as well.
- It’s an open door, but above all: enjoy your little miracle!
Hungry for more information?
- “Tackling Fathers” by David Borman. This is a book written by a male midwife, researcher and trainer. This provides tools and practical tips for fathers that can be used during pregnancy, childbirth and puerperium. Author David Borman has also developed an expectant father course. See also his site www.vadercursus.nl for registration and more information.
- “Baby Management for Men” by Henk Hanssen. A practical handbook for expectant fathers. A clear overview of everything covered during pregnancy, childbirth and beyond. This author also started the site www.ikvader.nl.
- ‘Pregnancy book for men’ by Gerard Janssen. As a man, it’s best to keep up a little when your girlfriend is pregnant. This Pregnancy Book for Men updates you week by week on the development of the baby in the belly and the changes in your friend. It includes answers to questions such as: How do you deal with hormonal unreasonableness? What is a chromosome and what is DNA? And, of course, you’ll also find a crash course in emergency obstetrics in this book.